It seems like this weekend has been spent brainstorming. I am at a loss of ideas on what to do with Maida. She's a great kid and such a sweet little girl, but something has changed since we brought Skogen home, and really, just in the past two or three weeks. She has started to become very testy with us. If we ask her not to do something, she'll do it, and she does it with this look on her face like, "What are you going to do to me now?" She's also started whining and crying a lot. It seems like most days are filled with tears, which is unusual for a normally happy girl. She also started doing things like going potty in her pants and pooping on the floor, right beside her potty chair! I have no idea how to respond anymore. I think she's looking for attention, but what kind of attention do we give her? Do we punish her for these actions, because they are clearly wrong and she needs to know that? Or do we gently redirect her and praise her for the things she is doing right, ignoring the bad for now? I have no idea. I've tried both ways and now I think I've just confused the poor child! (Any advice would be appreciated!) I definitely wasn't prepared for the "terrible twos" to hit quite yet. I also wasn't prepared for how much my relationship would change with Maida when Skogen joined the mix. She's always been my little princess who I've spent, pretty much, every minute of her life with. Now I have to divide my time and it has really changed things between Maid's and I. I think this could be part of the problem, but I have no idea how to fix it. I just keep telling myself to look at the big picture and realize that our little family is just having some growing pains! I'm sure that these will not be the last of them, either!
Maida in Mommy's jacket playing with her babies
Look at how BIG Skogen's belly is getting! Mama makes WHOLE milk! (Mama also has a matching double chin!)
Skogen's new favorite sleeping position. This is how every ultrasound picture that we have of him looked too, with his hands in front of his face!
Skogen has started smiling so much now! This was a poor attempt at trying to finally capture one on camera.
The kids in the bath. Maida is a HUGE help for me since my hands are still numb and numb hands + a wet, slippery baby = disaster
Snuggle time with "the kid" (as Erik calls him)!
Story time with Daddy (BTW: Skogen is wearing a size 6-9 month pair of p.j.'s in this picture!)
Hang in there! I remember going through the same thing just a few short months ago. It sounds like you're doing the right thing. I think sometimes it's appropriate to redirect gently, and sometimes it's appropriate for them to know that they've made a poor choice.
ReplyDeleteI also remember feeling like my relationship with Leah changed and it made me feel guilty and sad. I still feel it sometimes. I just have to remind myself that I'm not hurting her, but helping by allowing her to see how relationships function and how sharing works. Also, the special one on one time that I had with her for almost 2 years...Logan won't get that as a little baby. He has to wait until Leah is in school! I think it all balances out.
You're doing a great job, hang in there! I'm working through it right now too.
"matching families" doesn't even begin to describe how similar our situations are! Caitlin has also turned into a little munchkin (in the bad way) and I find myself feeling overwhelmed by how to handle each situation too. she's very testy and VERY sensitive, crying at any scolding or correction, and not even waking up her normal, easygoing, happy self. I really hope it's just a period of adjustment and that as long as I stay consistent in my parenting she will settle into our new routines with baby eventually (here's hoping!). but I'm with you in your frustration in the meantime!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for making me feel like I'm not alone! I was afraid that Maida was behaving the way she was because of something that I did as a mom! I'm glad to hear that her behavior seems somewhat "normal" for the circumstances. :) Thank you sooooo much for the comments... I'll keep you updated!
ReplyDeleteHey Kara- Natti was the same way when we brught home Kora, along with moving to a new house was a HUGE adjustment. It got better though... praise the positive worked very well for us, even for the smallest well done jobs! hang in there, it does get better!
ReplyDeleteHey Kara,
ReplyDeleteI know excatly what you are going through! Ethan really had few tantrums before Owen, now we have one, at least, everyday! One thing I try to remember is that Ethan has more understanding of what is going on and emotions, so if they are both upset or need something (other than nursing Owen, of course) I try to take care of Ethan first and get him happy playing before I go get Owen. I figure Owen won't really feel rejected for crying for a few minutes, but me always going to Owen first when both are upset, may make Ethan feel rejected. Don't know if my theory is right, but it has seemed to help a little. I also try to do things like read and sing with Ethan while I nurse Owen and that has helped keep him from crying at my feet, trying to climb up on us and hitting Owen's head like he sometimes does. Even with a few bad days, we know Ethan does totally adore Owen now, to the point of crying for Owen help him and to get him out of bed when we won't!! :) Good luck! I'm sure you are doing a great job!
Hey Kara,
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on surviving this far with 2 under 2! I promise that it gets better, though the first 6 months are definitely HARD.
My oldest, Jacob, seemed to "act out" for the first few weeks/months after we brought Wyatt home. Around 20 months old was a difficult age, though I think it was just due to the changes in our family.
Emphasizing the positive definitely worked better (still does) than reprimanding the negative - and know too, that this is all just a phase and "they're not gonna do _____ when they're in college", etc. :)
You will regain a sense of "normalcy" (a new normal, however!) in a few more weeks, I promise.
My boys are now 32 and 14 months, and have a GREAT relationship with each other and me! (and we are crazy enough to do it all over again - #3 is due in September, EEK!)
I'm so glad you had peace with your decision to have a repeat c-section. I am delighted to hear that you were awake and alert for the birth of your son - what a blessing! And that all went well and continues to go well too.
You have a beautiful family.
Blessings,
Beth,
fellow Babycrowder
bethajoy(at)hotmail(dot)com
Kara- with maida and her accidents, I'm not really sure what to tell you. My elly who just turned 3 does the exact same thing. We had her potty trained before emma was born in Sept and she has been having a lot of accidents.....right in front of the toilet and at bedtime. With her I actually went back to diapers at night and then during the day I told her that if she had an accident that she was going to have to wear plastic/vinyl underwear(which she dispises). Which I wonder if Maida could wear the plastic/vinyl undies at night, or would she react to them. If you want I have 6 pair of them and I really only need 1 or 2 as in the past 2 weeks she has been doing very well. Email me at lindseycaskey@yahoo.com if you would like and I can mail you a couple of the undies if you want because they are like $6 or $8 and why waste the money if you don't know if they will even work for her. I think with time it will get better!!!
ReplyDeleteLindsey Caskey