Just as time has flown by over the last 20 months (making me a mom to an almost two-year-old!!!) time has especially flown by over the past nine months, as I have carried this small little bean, who is now a full grown baby. As I prepare to deliver him, I reflect back on how much I've changed and how much I've grown (and I'm not just talking my belly!!!) . Dreaming and planning for one thing, and accepting another is not the last lesson I'll learn on this journey either, I'm sure. However, as this next week approaches, I pray that we are making the right decision by going for a c-section. I have never felt more happy and sad about something in my entire life. I am trying to convince myself that this is just how my body has to have babies, but as a good friend just emailed to say that she went into labor and is in the hospital, awaiting their arrival, I can't help but be jealous of her and all the other women who get that experience, resentful of my first birth experience, and mournful of what is to come because I have no chance of my dream birth. It is at this point when I am so thankful for my church family this morning and all the women who talked with me about our decision. It was so great to talk to numerous women who have been in my same boat and to get their encouragement and advice. They reminded me, in the midst of tears, to focus on the end result: a healthy baby. The women of the church also told us that they will be bringing us meals the first week after Skogen is here and they want to have a baby shower for me too! What a blessing! This weekend while my mom was here, we did a lot of preparing Maida for my disappearance when Skogen comes. In response, she has turned into the most clingy toddler I have ever seen! No one else can hardly even look at her!!! I hear this is normal and I also hear that she'll be fine while I'm away. However, I have to say that it does add to the stress of having a baby. Erik has done an awesome job stepping up as a dad, even to the point of making us dinner last week ! He's an amazing husband too and God has been so good to us!!! We'll keep you updated as Skogen comes...
Hi Kara,
ReplyDeleteI know we don't know each other outside of blogs, but I feel like I know you and wanted to wish you a special delivery, regardless of how Skogen makes his appearance! I tried sooooo hard to have a natural delivery when Chase was born but after two days wound up having an emergency c-section due to his heart rate dropping with contractions. I know how you are feeling right now and the fear of disappointment if you need to resort to c-section, but like everyone else is surely telling you, the desired end result really is having that beautiful baby boy in your arms. Think......your life in no way is going to be measured by how Skogen gets here, just that he gets here and you love him as much as possible....that's what matters! I'll be keeping you guys in my prayers and look forward to "stalking" ;) your blog when you get back on! hehe
I may also need you to help me make a few upgrades to my blog from ideas I got on yours! :) (like I'm sure you'll have tons of time when you get home and have two kiddos at your side, but we'll see.)
Sorry this is so long! Tell Erik hi for me too!
Best wishes!!!!
You are beautiful Kara! And your baby will be too. Hang in there!
ReplyDeletehi kara, I am excited to hear the big news! I know you've had your unexpected bumps in the road, but despite HOW Skogen arrives, you can still protect the special consciousness that could have accompanied a natural birth. it sounds a little hokey, but I think it makes a big difference "into what atmosphere" he's born--ie. one of helplessness vs. one of intent? just want to encourage you that the spirit of your VBAC can still prevail in spite of the change of plans!!
ReplyDeletethinking of you--